The Nameless Chronicles


One of my favorite awkward guy memories is that of Rezzie.  To be honest, my friends and I have called him Rezzie for such a long time that I can’t remember his real name.  He was a very nice guy who was unfortunate enough to be struck with the socially-inept stick.  We met online through one of the various internet dating sites.  I was in college and he was working on airplane engines.  We shot emails back and forth and then began to talk a little on the phone.  I don’t like talking on the phone, so I try to avoid it when I can, but it really is a good way to understand a person’s character.  Some guys, I wish I had spoken with them on the phone more before meeting them, but that’s beside the point.

As I said, this guy was pretty nice.  He seemed interesting enough.  It was obvious that he was a geek, but I like geeks.  I am one myself.  There were a couple things that intimidated me though.  He was very anxious to find someone with whom to start a family.  Another thing, when we did finally meet, he walked really funny.  And the last thing was that he asked me to hold off getting a tattoo until we “saw where God wanted us to go” with this relationship.

But, he was nice.  I didn’t have any problem being a friend to him.  With those things above, I pretty much knew that we weren’t going to fall madly in love.  If he was asking me to wait on something that could potentially change his attraction to me when we weren’t even officially dating, I couldn’t imagine the restrictions there might be when we WERE dating, let alone married.  But what really sealed the deal was a very casual email I received from him about a week after we had first met.

We had been on the topic of how hard it is to find someone who suits your interests and likes. (I was subtly letting my feelings known that I just wasn’t that into him)  In the midst of this seemingly innocuous ramblings, he proceeds to tell me that he is very frustrated, not just emotionally, but physically.  It would have been fine, had he left it at that, but he built on the discussion by using an extremely graphic metaphor.  He said he worried for his future wife because he felt like his “waiting” would be “like a giant dam holding back a large reservoir of some sort.”  He wasn’t sure if she’d be able to handle it.  Had we been in oral conversation, I’m not sure if I could have contained my laughter.  As it was an email, I was completely free to divulge in multiple episodes of laughter.

Poor guy…and if he’s married, poor girl!


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