The Nameless Chronicles

These are Dates, Right?

I’m in that funny position where you aren’t completely sure that what you’re doing is dating or not. It looks like a date. Smells like a date. Sounds like a date. Pays like a date. What’s a girl to do?

My mother gets free tickets to a huge Christmas light display each year and so I told Mr. Wisley about it and he was all game. Actually, he had said that he had never been, which shocked me and so I told him that he didn’t have a choice, he was going, and I was taking him.  But that was on a Monday night, and this was Friday. And so I mentioned how our young adults group at church was having a Christmas party that Sunday and would he like to come? He said he would and I nervous and jittery inside. I’ve said it before – my church is my holy place, my family, an intimate part of my life.  I kind of thought he’d be busy with something at his own church, but he wasn’t and fully intended to accept my invitation. Plus, we were already planning to go out the next night. Two nights in a row with the same guy?! Unheard of in my book!

So, I told my friends and they were all excited. Turns out I was going to help lead music that night – not to add any OTHER pressure to the evening. I was all afluster. And the day came, and it was a blast. I was nervous most of the time, but I introduced him to my people, he chatted freely with them. We sat next to each other during the service, when I sat back down after singing he leaned over and whispered “That was awesome!” And I melted a little bit. Since neither of us had anything going on that night, I asked if he wanted to drive around and look at Christmas lights. So we spent an hour and a half driving around and checking out just about all the Christmas lights my town had to offer. We chatted about different parts of houses we liked, different things about Christmas with our families and just a bunch of things. It was such a sweet time.

So, we had one Seems-Like-A-Date, then another one and this now makes #3 Seems-Like-A-Date.

The next night, he came to my house and met my mother – another yikes moment for me. I had come home from work and Mom asked if I thought it’d be awkward for him to meet her in her nightgown. *blank stare* She wears a thick gown all the time around the house. I’m used to it, so I don’t always catch how awkward it is. I told her that it probably would be. She marches upstairs to change complaining about how I don’t think about her at all and only think about this hunk of a guy. I told her she shouldn’t have asked me then if she didn’t want my answer. Apparently this asking a question expecting a different answer runs in my family. When Mr. Wisley and I got to the restaurant, I told him about the fiasco and he just said, “Uh, thank you…that would’ve been awkward.” My brother-in-law, who has been in the family for almost 15 years now, still gets weirded out when she is in her gown and having them over. Her mother does it, but her mother’s also 87.

We had Japanese food and decided that, while I love it and directed him to the least shocking dishes they had, he is not a fan. I’m a bit bummed by that, but it’s not a huge deal. Then we headed downtown to the light display! It’s located in the zoo and you can see most of the animals inside their buildings when you walk around. It was rainy though and that wasn’t nearly as much fun. He let me “check in” there and tag him in the check-in too on Facebook…so people officially knew that we were together that night. We got a couple pics together too, in front of Swan Lake, and he said for me to load them on Facebook and tag him. This kind of behavior is totally foreign to me. So I did! My boss “liked” the photo…of all people. Yes, I’m friends with my boss on Facebook. Not my best judgment call.

And, so he bought dinner, I took care of the light display. We bought matching mugs in the gift store. Seems-Like-A-Date #4.

We had to wait a week to get back together since Christmas was now in play. He had two days of festivities with his family. My family got together on Christmas Eve and then it was Mom and I in our house on Christmas Day. It was nice though, and he and I texted each other throughout the day to keep each other updated on our respective church services, gift-givings and celebratory activities. And then, yesterday, I was to drive up to his place and we were going to watch a movie together – at his place – alone – at his home – where he lives and sleeps – by myself. I’m going to tell you something quite shocking. I’m 27.5 years old and I have never been to a man’s house by myself. It was quite intimidating for me, but I was determined to get over it and not let my nerves dictate how I enjoyed myself.  I arrived right about lunch time and we grabbed some grub from the Way of the Subs and then snuggled into the couch for some movie watching. My choice – a classic Christmas musical which I have been watching since my childhood. His choice, which followed almost immediately after my movie was over – Cars. And we both had a great time. And we didn’t cuddle, he didn’t try anything with me, he didn’t even hold my hand. We just sat very close with our arms by each other for the duration of the movies and then, chatted a bit and I was on my way. No hug goodbye. No determined physical contact.

Seems-Like-A-Date #5.

Within a month, I’ve gone on more dates than I have in the last 3 years. Well, they sure seem like dates, except for one thing – we’re not together. I’m not very good at hanging out with a guy just by ourselves and not being in a relationship. I would really like some clarification soon. But I made the deadline within myself – February 1st. Can I wait that long? His brother called while we were watching movie #2 and all Mr. Wisley had to say was, “I’m watching a movie with Intrepidity.” No further explanation required. The cousins of his who I know had been over at his parents house on Christmas Day and he texted me “Hello’s” from them. He invited me to an event at his church this next weekend, which I had to decline because of a Christmas party with the other side of my family. But then we made plans to do something the following day, New Year’s Eve. I’ve never had plans with a guy on New Year’s Eve! Granted, he has to be at work before midnight, but it’s still pretty significant, right? Am I the only one totally confused?

If not, I think he might be the other one.

Here comes Seems-Like-A-Date #6.


The Second First Date

You seldom get a chance to do something over in life. I’d venture to say that you never get a “re-do,” but in this case, I have had the rare opportunity for just that: a second “first” date with a guy five years later. The circumstances were a little odd though – reconnecting through Facebook, nearly a week after my grandmother had passed away and the day of her funeral. I don’t think it was inconsiderate to make such a plan on the day of her funeral. She was always asking me if I had met anyone and I’m sure she’d have been excited to know that I was meeting up with a guy who was so promising.

We met up at an almost-mid-point city and went to the artsy First Friday event. We were both fairly surprised at how much was going on since this almost-mid-point city has a reputation for being on its last leg – it’s the dog you think is about to die each time it coughs. But there was a great turn out and the casual atmosphere and so many things to talk about made for a nice “first” date.

And then we spent the next week texting each other. That night, we actually decided that we should meet up again and soon. Within a week, he came and picked me up at my office and we drove down into the big city on the river, saw an Omnimax movie about the historic passenger train through the Canadian Rocky Mountains (absolutely beautiful!) and then downtown to grab some grub. In the center of town, there’s an ice skating rink set up and horse-drawn carriages going by and a beautiful Christmas tree with masses of lights hanging from the branches. I love it. And then we headed back home. An early night, I wasn’t sure if we should sit in his car and chat, or if he needed to get back home, or what was expected. (I don’t get 2nd dates so very often)

We had talked about him having broken up with a girl recently (which I found out to be June) and him still being a bit hurt by it. He’s playing it safe. Enjoying getting out and spending time with someone other than her and his family, but not sure yet if he’s ready. I’ve been in this position before, of sorts, with Mr. Rough, if you remember. In that case, I was daft to keep waiting for him. In this case, I think it’s reasonable to let him have some time to decide. We only really know what we put on Facebook about each other, and while we tend to be pretty honest people, we do leave a lot off our walls. After talking about the circumstance of the break-up a little more, I decided that I would give him until the first of February to make a decision. If he doesn’t by then, it will be my time to ask him what he’s thinking. I think that putting two months into a relationship with a guy is enough time for both of us to decide if it’s what we want, but I don’t want to be the one to make that declaration. I’ve been clear with him that I like him and that I’m waiting on his lead – boy, is that hard!

When we got back to my office, I noticed that a light had been left on. I said goodbye to him, ran inside and shut it off. When I came back out, he was still waiting there. I knocked on his window and told him he was a good guy and thanks for waiting. You don’t find guys like that very often – at least ones who are still single. What in the world was that girl thinking in giving him up? Perhaps what I was thinking 5 years ago?

Wedding Dreams

I remember thinking that it was a dream, and so I was fully expecting things to be strange – not at all like Inception where everything begins to fall apart once you realize you’re dreaming, but the standard oddness.

It was my wedding day.

I was in a way-too-white-it-was-almost-blue dress that strongly resembled the dress I wore to my junior Prom. In my dream, I knew it was happening in extreme short notice. Everything was disorganized. I couldn’t remember what had happened at the rehearsal and then I remembered that we didn’t have a rehearsal.  That was a strange part considering that it seemed my dad was officiating it and he would have insisted on a rehearsal.  He would be way too emotional to handle it flying by the seat of his pants.

Not only that, apparently there was no coordinator. I was running around in my wedding dress through the sanctuary putting things down in the pews, annoyed that my mom didn’t save me a seat. Somebody had managed to put my shoes in the car that brought us to the church, so that was a good thing. But they were not the shoes I would have chosen at all – really tall high heels that covered most of my feet. Yuck.  I also had a long white flowing shawl over my dress, that I’m sure I was planning to wear down the aisle.  I had to take a restroom break.

The one redeeming factor was my hair. I really enjoy my hair. I have a lot of it. It’s stick straight and won’t let me put any kind of body into it. But I like it that way for the most part. When I got to the restroom and looks in the mirror, my hair seemed to have tripled on itself. It was fuller than I have ever seen it. And it was filled with braids of different sizes scattered throughout my hair. I don’t know how to describe it – it probably would look awful if I tried to do it myself with the amount of hair I actually have, but it looked so pretty. I’ve always thought it would be great to have my hair down and long for my wedding.

I came out of the restroom and my dad was waiting for me.  I asked him if I was supposed to sing for the service and he said yes. I told him that it was my day and I didn’t want to do it. So he shrugged and said it would be ok. He was much less affectionate than he would have been on even normal occasions and I found that I didn’t mind it at all. At this point, I had only one goal, to get to that altar.

We walked up to the end of the aisle where my step-mom was waiting for me. Dad ran up to say something in the front of the sanctuary. My step-mother began saying that she wanted to show some kind of connection to me, that maybe she could walk up with me and my dad. I told her that she could just walk behind us and then I could turn back and smile at her. And then I remembered that I’ve been concerned about how to recognize Mom and how sad/angry she would be if I let my step-mom do something special and not her. And I was just coming on to a solution (one I would really like to have in real life for when the time comes) when my alarm clock jarred me to consciousness.

The most disappointing part of the whole dream was that I never saw nor was concerned with who the groom was. I remember seeing a groomsman and knowing exactly who he was, but I couldn’t tell you now for anything. I was talking with a girl from my church at one point, but I can’t remember which one. I opened an envelope that had about 5 checks in it from different people who knew my grandmother and were wishing me congratulations. But I never caught a glimpse of the groom.

And it’s probably for the best. I’ve dreamt of guys before and it’s made things awkward at times. So I’m going to spend the day chewing on that question, because I can’t help it. Was the groom going to be Mr. Wisley? Was it someone else? Someone I know? Someone I don’t? That I would know one of the groomsmen would suggest that I would also know the groom, but who knows! It could be someone totally new. I’m just glad to know that the dream of a wedding hasn’t left my heart yet.  Whether it comes or not, I prefer to hold on to that hope as long as I can.

Flashback and Facebook

It is amazing how much our lives are affected by Facebook.  Just a few weeks after Mr. Rockies and I stopped talking (sadly, even though the thought was we could remain friends), I began to receive more comments on my Facebook posts from a certain gentleman I hadn’t really heard from in years. I began commenting back and then we began FB chatting and one thing led to another and we’re engaged! Hah, just kidding!!

Back story:

We’ll call him Mr. Wisley, after the gentleman caller of Jane Austen from the movie Becoming Jane, because he seems to have been a shy flower taking time to bloom. I know, corny…I’ll abstain from further corny comments, if at all possible.

I’ve been at my place of worship for just about 15 years now. As such, I’ve become very close to the people there.  B is not really one of those people, but as unmarried women were dwindling in our circle by the time of her engagement, it’s no surprise that she asked me and my best friend to be bridesmaids. I was very surprised at the time, but as I further reflected on it, it seems logical and logic is what rules my brain and heart, so that’s that.  So as we spent time together and she was all afluster with the joy of romantic bliss, she offered to set me up with a long-time family friend, Mr. Wisley.

I have never really been one to turn down a blind date, so I said “yes.” He came and picked me up at my work, we went to a seafood restaurant, chatted and then he dropped me off. Beyond that, I can’t remember anything else. To the best of our knowledge, that was 5 years ago. Maybe we both just needed to grow up a bit. I know I did. As I think about it, I’m sure the fault was mine. I have had some pretty dumb expectations about who I would date. Yeah, I would go out on a blind date with a random guy, but if he didn’t pass muster by the end of it, there was little hope for him.

But as we’ve been talking and getting to know each other better, I’m finding out that there really isn’t much that would have kept me from wanting to date this guy again…except that he’s a year younger than me. Big whoop, at this point. We’re both closing in on 30 now and I’ve lost my drive to be picky on that point.

Amidst our chatting, my grandma was admitted to the hospital and then taken to hospice and then she died. I wasn’t super-close to my grandma, but it was/is still hard and being in the immediate area, I was very busy with family things. I began to think that he would shy away from asking me to go out with him out of respect for my situation, so I decided just to be open and quite a bit more forward than I normally would.  He was very much interested in going out…again…and we even decided on the evening after my grandmother’s funeral. Trust me, she would have been overjoyed for me to go on a date and I know she’s in a better place, so there’s limited mourning.

I’ll post more about our “first” date after a bit, but suffice to say, I’m hoping he sticks around for a while. 🙂

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