The Nameless Chronicles


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The First Kiss

27 and three quarters.

Never been kissed.

For most of my, well, dating life, I have held fairly firm to the idea that I didn’t want to kiss until I got married. I’ve had several reasons for it, and I think I may have included them in this blog, but I can’t rightly remember where. If possible, I will try to link to it for you.

There have been times when I haven’t been very strong in this conviction. At those times, I was either with a guy who wasn’t interested (so…we weren’t really dating) or there wasn’t a guy at all. The times when there was a guy who was interested, I found the fortitude to keep with my conviction.

Now, I’m in a serious relationship with Mr. Wisely. We’ve met each other’s immediate family (apart from my sisters who are crazily busy, so it’s not all my fault) and have had several dates together. We recently had an almost week-long event at my place of worship and he came to each evening activity and some of the day-time events with me. I have visited his place of worship twice now and, in my book, that’s a big deal. My spiritual family is as important to me as my birth family.

Pretty much within the first month of dating, I began battling through whether the conviction to wait and kiss was God’s command for my life or just my own security, defense, or ideal. Ideals can be a good thing, but they can also be a bad thing – unrealistic and something to hide behind. I truly believe that my not wanting to kiss anyone until I marry has been a good thing and a way that God has protected me from certain relationships in the past that weren’t as edifying.

I asked Mr. Wisely to help me in prayer and discussing together what we thought about it. My thought was that I want to wait as long as possible, maybe actually have a legit deadline so that I could have a timeline to work through before deciding what I wanted to do. Mr. Wisely, however, was ever gracious and told me he would not pressure me by forcing a timeline on me. He didn’t want to pressure me.

I was kind of upset by this. I like things to go in boxes – nice, neat little packages that can be handled. If I have parameters to work in, then I feel better. And so, I was kind of annoyed with him that he wouldn’t give me a deadline or ultimatum to work around. And then it hit me. The day after he and I had talked about it, the verse from 1 Corinthians came to my mind: Love is patient. Love is kind.

He was being the epitome of that verse for me. Loving me more than his physical desire or even my mental comforts. I began to think about other ways that he has shown me this verse through his actions. And my heart began to soften. I prayed a bit more and last week, I sent him a text (because I was sure if I told him in person, he’d just grab me and kiss me right there) that I was ready to let him decide when we should have our first kiss. He was thrilled!

He waited a full week before asking me, one late night at my house before he went home, if he could kiss me. I told him that I had said he could. And so he leaned in.

I’m pretty sure I was cringing. I had been trying not to worry about it, after handing the reins over to him, but that’s not something you can easily throw off. I was cringing because I was so dang nervous.

I had three thoughts during the kiss:

1. This is so weird.

2. Oh, maybe I should be moving my lips too, and

3. I am so glad I’m not doing this in front of hundreds of people.

And I am glad I didn’t wait…and I’m glad that I did. I couldn’t have picked a better guy to have my first kiss with. If Mr. Wisely and I do not go any further than this phase in our relationship, I won’t have any regrets about it. But if we keep going on, then, my husband will be my first and only kiss. I’m so glad that I might still have THAT forever.

It was so awkward…but there’s always time for practice. đŸ˜‰

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Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. “I hate relationships…” yours truly [single by choice]. « HOW TO MAN UP pingbacked on 5 years, 3 months ago
  2. “I hate relationships…” yours truly [single by choice]. pingbacked on 4 years, 2 months ago

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