The Nameless Chronicles


Category Archive

The following is a list of all entries from the Mr. Engineer category.

The Others

I am very active at my place of worship.  I spend a lot of time there, my best friends are people who I see there or met there, and much of my life is based on my faith.  I learn, I sing, I teach, I lead, I serve, I am blessed, I fellowship – all of these things make for a very active church life.  I consider my church family as close and dear to me as my own birth family.  It wasn’t always like this, and I’m grateful to have found a community where I feel comfortable, challenged, and useful.

After a summer break of working with the College/Career ministry, we picked it back up with a new leader.  I’ve known this guy for a while.  I’ll call him Mr. Evangelist.  I knew him back in college and did some ministry with him, but more recently, he found his way back into my life by working at my mother’s company.  She invited him to a dinner with me and two of my best friends who lead the youth group.  At the time, Mom assured me that she wasn’t trying to set me up, and I believed her.  I don’t mind making new friends, but I had no interest in him romantically, so I didn’t want him to be “led on” in any way.

He and my friend’s husband became fast friends and began spending time with each other.  He was invited to speak at our church to the youth group several times.  He has a very dramatic salvation story and relates to young people well.  But that’s a lot of what he does.  People want him to come share with their youth because he can talk about the gangs and drugs and violence and then how Jesus saved him out of that, but that’s all they really want him for.  My friend’s hubs shared with him about a ministry need to high school graduates and so, Mr. Evangelist decided to switch to our church and help lead this ministry.

It hasn’t affected me much, having him around, but he’s single, I’m “single” and people will talk.  My friend’s hubs has said many times that he would like Mr Evangelist and I to get together, and I’ve assured him that I’m not interested.  With him now being at my church, the intensity of the encouragement has increased.  I know that he is looking for a wife, and I’m a good target.  But, he doesn’t really know me, at all.  I can see in his eyes that he is interested and is trying to woo me, but I also can see that he’s got another “me” he’s interested in.  The future me, the ideal me, the wife perfect for an evangelist.  At one point, I did think about it, but I just don’t have anything in me to compel me to him.

And now I have Mr. Rockies, whose plane will be taking off in one day to come and see me, and we will likely make things official.  I have told him about Mr. Evangelist, and how I think he feels about me and definitely how I feel about him.  I don’t want him to be surprised to find out that I’m being pursued by someone and I don’t want him to feel insecure in me.  I’m looking forward to him coming and it being in the open that I am actually involved with someone.

That said, I feel bad for Mr. Evangelist.  I haven’t given him any encouragement, but I haven’t been able to discourage him other than by trying to avoid him and be distant and formal in conversation.  I hope he doesn’t hurt his heart.

Also, Mr. Engineer texted me that he was visiting one of the Asian countries I lived in for an extended time, for work and would I be willing to give him some pointers.  I said sure and he offered to buy me dinner.  He has been dating a girl who was also at the friend’s wedding we attended.  They got together soon after he and I decided we would just be friends, and I wasn’t sure if it would be awkward.  I was glad when he said she was coming too, and we had a very nice dinner, lots of laughs, and hardly any awkward moments.  They are great for each other and I didn’t feel anything romantic/nostalgic/regretful towards him.  It was a nice time.  I’m glad that there are instances when you can still be friends with someone after a dating attempt.

So, as mentioned above, Mr. Rockies will soon be visiting me and we will spend some time in my hometown before heading east for a friend’s wedding.  I’m super-excited and nervous and excited and…agh, everything!  I will definitely post an update on event after the fact.  Hopefully he will be more than just “Mr. Rockies” to me then.

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You’re Really Nice, But…

We’ve all been there.  Dating someone that we know isn’t really our ideal and then realizing that it can’t go any farther.  But I think the cliché lines are just that, cliché!  I can’t stand them anymore.  I’ve been fed so many of them myself that they make me want to throw up in my mouth a little.  Let’s touch on a few of them that we all know:

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Well, of course it’s not.  If it really was you, you would say the real reason.

This is one of my regular lines: “You’re too good for me.”

I just get flat out ticked when I get this line.  Just say that you think I’m too tame for you or not adventurous enough.  It will probably point to your lack of understanding what real, mature fun should be (not beer pong and bars and flipping off cameras for your FB profile picture) or your lack of understanding of me.  If you were really getting to know me and not just looking for some play, you might be surprised at what fun can really be.

Then there are just the various brush-offs.  I’ve already shared about the “black hole” that most of my dates have found.  That’s the extreme of the brush-off move.  Others are not so extreme and are just not returning calls or coming up with mythological events or emergencies to take up any spare time.

My point is that I don’t like these and I have, slowly albeit, over the course of my dating experience, sought to be more and more honest about why I don’t want to go out with someone, or why I do.  Another thing that I have determined to have are good reasons for cutting the relationship short.  Attraction, to me, is not a good enough reason.  Time, or lack of it, is not a good enough reason.  They can be factors, but they can’t be the sole reason.

So, I may not be all that attracted to Mr. Engineer.  We may have a lot of personality differences.  There were moments when he gave me butterflies, so I’m not so much worried that we couldn’t get it together physically or that he couldn’t be the heartthrob of my life.  That isn’t the main drive of my reasoning for not wanting to continue “dating” him.  I’ve stated my real reasons clearly in previous entries and I have quite a few of them.  The biggest of which is our church affiliation.  He’s Catholic and I’m Baptist.  We talked a bit about it and decided that it would be next to impossible to maintain a relationship (which goal is marriage) without concession made on one side.  Both of thought about it and decided that neither of us could relax our ideals and so, parted the night as friends.

Friends that had only one contact throughout that week.  I checked my cell phone bill for the month.  We have the same provider and so texting and calls were free between the two of us, and I realize that I had texted others (such as family and friends), but my tracker had counted over 1000 texts.  This is seriously unusual for me, but showed me just how much both he and I were into the relationship and working to make it work.

I went through a couple days of withdrawal more than sadness and was able to touch-base with him Sunday night.  We had a nice chat and I think it reinforced my intention with him to keep each other as friends.  We tried making some plans to hang out, but both of us were going to be a little busy.  Hopefully something will come up though.

This brings me to a thought of blog post I had started just prior to meeting Mr. Engineer and never finished: Remaining Single…this will be my next entry (with luck!)


The Last Bar Study

The last of this “Bar Bible Study” series was last week.  Mr. Engineer told me that the speaker was going to be a friar, and as such, my entire morning and afternoon was filled with giggles and guffaws resulting from an image of Friar Tuck running around my mind.  Seriously, how could anyone expect me to get much work done with the prospect of seeing a fat man with a rounded baldspot, Beatles bowl haircut, brown habit and wool corded belt.  I felt it only right, with my vow to be upfront and honest with Mr. Engineer, to share with him all the joy I had throughout the day relishing in the thought of the coming evening and he seemed to take it well, enjoying the humor as well, though not as much as me.  Then he completely deflated my balloon by saying that he thought it was just a priest.  I know, bummer.

We got to the bar and were ushered outside this week to the patio.  It was really nice to be outside and not have to worry about being cold all night.  We ordered our supper and gabbed with the others at our table.  We talked about college and majors and jobs/careers.  Everyone assumed that I was Catholic as well and when the discussion came around to me, I was asked what my major was.  I answered, “Christian Ministries.”  Really?  What school did you go to? “Super-tiny Baptist College. [paraphrase]”  The next two questions were priceless.  “So…are…you Baptist?”  um, yes…?  “Are….you comfortable here?”  um, yes…?

Jokes ensued about how the seat I had chosen was perfect for either a quick get-away or to keep an eye on everyone in the room for protection.  The priest then walked up amidst our laughter and I have to say that I was sorely disappointed.  He was a priest, yes, but in plain clothes.  He shared his story and talked about “hearing God in everyday situations.”  His talk was kind of odd, but good for the most part.  I’d say that I agreed with about 70% of what he had to say.

Everything finished, and we took off back to my place.  When we pulled into my drive-way, we stood and chatted by his Jeep for a few minutes.  I asked him what he thought about the meeting.  He said it was good and we talked about times that we had heard God speaking in our lives.  He asked what I thought of it and I thought this was a good opportunity to tell him how dead-set I am on not becoming Catholic.  He didn’t really respond but I figured it’d be food for thought until we saw each other again on Sunday.

I spoke with my pastor’s wife about the religious differences and we agreed that my biggest problem was that I need someone to serve with me in the same church…and that church can’t be a Catholic one.  I think I’d be able to serve with Mr. Engineer in the same church…but that it would probably have to be Catholic. Oh well.  I was still on a bum of not hearing a friar speak…

(as this happened last Thursday, there have been a few events since left out of this blog.  I will work to bring you all up-to-date.  Keep your eyes peeled!)


The “What Are We Doing?” Talk

We met at my place and walked over to my church for Bible Study.  Then, Mr. Engineer and I with two other couples decided to go get some dinner at a local drive-in restaurant.  As it was still early in the evening, I asked if he’d like to go up to my favorite spot in town, the fence by the local airport.  It has a single runway and only small jets can land on it.  Most traffic are single-propeller Cessna’s, whether 172 Skyhawks or 182’s, and PA-28 Pipers.

As we pulled in and made small talk the conversation began to turn more serious, going something like this:

Me:  “I had a goal that if I couldn’t marry a pilot, I’d become one instead.”
Mr. Engineer:  “Well, I’m…not a  pilot.  Just throwing that out there.”
Me:  “Hah, nope, you’re not.”
(silence for a couple minutes)
Me:  “So, what are we doing?  Are we still just getting to know each other, or are we dating?  It feels like we’re a couple, but then it doesn’t.”

Yeah, I tend to just throw everything into the open.  I don’t like guesswork, and after the last 2 weeks of thinking that he likes me pretty well and not saying anything, I got tired of waiting.  That’s a problem, but also, it was a great thing for us.  He had never really sat down and had a conversation like the one we had last night.  I was pretty surprised.  He has dated a girl before, for 4 years.  Said he wasn’t into her as much as she was into him.  But, that’s beside the point.  I may be a chatty and verbose kind of person, but what has happened to communication?!

It seemed that the intro gave us the opportunity both of us were looking for to share our own concerns and joys about being with each other.  I shared that I really did like him a lot, but I had reservations.  He shared that I’m “…ahem…awesome.” (Yes, that’s right.  FINALLY a compliment!)  But he also said that he has some reservations.  I’m going to share them, because they’re important.  Neither of us shared anything that was trivial, in my mind.  Here goes:

ME
Concerns

  1. Mr. Engineer likes to drink with his friends.  And when I say drink, it isn’t altogether just the casual drinking.  He does that, but he confessed that he has become pretty sloshed in the last few months to where he has to stay at a friend’s house overnight, or where he drove home and he knew he shouldn’t have.  My concern is that, I don’t think it’s moral to get inebriated.  My step-dad was a raging alcoholic, too.  I don’t like what it does to people.  My step-dad, at one point, which lasted for a couple years I would think, was perpetually drunk – either actually drinking, passed out, or still buzzing from a previous binge.  Upon sharing this with Mr. Engineer, he said that he really doesn’t like what it does to him either and isn’t sure why he does it in the first place.  I think this is one reason why I’ve continued dating him…he doesn’t seem to be satisfied with his current lifestyle and wants something more.  Maybe I’m in his life to share with him another path, maybe a better path.
  2. He’s Catholic.  I’ve mentioned it before, this is a big deal.  I’m Baptist.  It seems like we are on complete opposites of the spectrum.  My grandmother was raised Catholic and married my grandfather who wasn’t.  When she was in the hospital with complications during her pregnancy, the priest came to see her and told her they were caused by the fact that she married a non-Catholic.  She was devastated…in pain…and wanting hope.  A woman in a bed nearby was Lutheran and when her minister came  in, he visited with Grandma too.  He spoke such great words of comfort to her and hope that when she got out, she and my grandpa decided to go to some Bible Studies.  So, with that history, the Catholic faith has not been much welcome in my family.
  3. My last big reservation became a very minor one as he shared his concerns.  I was worried that he was uncomfortable with me, physically.  He hardly ever looks me in the eyes (although, last night, he tried to make up for that, heh) and he has never tried to hold my hand or really even touch me.  But his last relationship was a bit hard on his heart, so I realized that he’s just protecting himself, which I can totally respect…and I admire him for that.

MR. ENGINEER
Concerns

  1. I’m not Catholic.  As I said, this is huge.  He said that he and his dad have had long talks about it.  He doesn’t really understand how we are different from each other, just that it’s a big difference.  We’re going to have to investigate this a bit more before either of us are comfortable with making a decision.
  2. His last relationship was one where he fell pretty hard for the girl, and she broke it off kind of abruptly.  As such, he’s a little hesitant to get involved a lot too soon.  Not to mention that his siblings have both been in pretty terrible divorces.  He has very similar views on marriage that I do, and with his siblings’ marriages/divorces, which I think both were because of affairs, he’s having to face a lot that he’s never had to deal with before.  Therefore, he’s wanting to be really careful about who gives his heart to next.  I can totally respect that

Another concern I’ve had is that, though I know we both don’t want to do the dirty before we get married, I also don’t want to kiss until I get married.  I told Mr. Engineer about this and a couple reasons for why I’m waiting.  He said, without much hesitation, that now that he knows, it shouldn’t be a problem.  I will admit, though, that as we sat, with the birds chirping and a light breeze blowing through his Jeep, and the sun setting around us, gazing into each others eyes, it was all I wanted to do to lean over a plop a big one on him.  (That’s my third reason for not kissing…I’m not sure I’d be able to stop myself at just that.  Hah!)

Now that I know that he’s concerned about protecting his own heart, I feel better about him not holding my hand or showering me with compliments.  It will be all the more significant when he actually does, if we decide to continue on in our relationship.  I know that he thinks I’m awesome so that will tied me over until he’s read to give more.  And if I start to like him more, then I’ll have to just replay that in my mind…and the way he blushed when I first asked him about being a couple or not. 🙂


Bible Study…in a Bar?

You know how it feels when you are so totally different from the people there (or rather, you perceive yourself to be so totally different) – I felt like each person there, unspoken, knew that I was one of “those Baptists”.

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Meet the Fam!

We didn’t chat on the phone, which I’m kind of glad for. We have good convos, but I get tired of having a phone latched to my ear.

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A Choking Experience

He gave me my drink, which was held in a cheap yellow-plastic ball designed like a coconut (I think), with a pink umbrella on top.

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A Tractor Pull

It’s going on all week and Thursday night is the Tractor Pull. Now, he’s tried to explain what this is to me, but something gets lost in translation.

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Eye Contact

I maintain that eye contact, as long as it’s not creepy and accompanied with villianous eyebrows and smirks, is super-attractive and refreshing.

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Tentative Date

…my thoughts usually center around comparing him to “white toast and 2% milk”.

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