The Nameless Chronicles


The First Kiss

27 and three quarters.

Never been kissed.

For most of my, well, dating life, I have held fairly firm to the idea that I didn’t want to kiss until I got married. I’ve had several reasons for it, and I think I may have included them in this blog, but I can’t rightly remember where. If possible, I will try to link to it for you.

There have been times when I haven’t been very strong in this conviction. At those times, I was either with a guy who wasn’t interested (so…we weren’t really dating) or there wasn’t a guy at all. The times when there was a guy who was interested, I found the fortitude to keep with my conviction.

Now, I’m in a serious relationship with Mr. Wisely. We’ve met each other’s immediate family (apart from my sisters who are crazily busy, so it’s not all my fault) and have had several dates together. We recently had an almost week-long event at my place of worship and he came to each evening activity and some of the day-time events with me. I have visited his place of worship twice now and, in my book, that’s a big deal. My spiritual family is as important to me as my birth family.

Pretty much within the first month of dating, I began battling through whether the conviction to wait and kiss was God’s command for my life or just my own security, defense, or ideal. Ideals can be a good thing, but they can also be a bad thing – unrealistic and something to hide behind. I truly believe that my not wanting to kiss anyone until I marry has been a good thing and a way that God has protected me from certain relationships in the past that weren’t as edifying.

I asked Mr. Wisely to help me in prayer and discussing together what we thought about it. My thought was that I want to wait as long as possible, maybe actually have a legit deadline so that I could have a timeline to work through before deciding what I wanted to do. Mr. Wisely, however, was ever gracious and told me he would not pressure me by forcing a timeline on me. He didn’t want to pressure me.

I was kind of upset by this. I like things to go in boxes – nice, neat little packages that can be handled. If I have parameters to work in, then I feel better. And so, I was kind of annoyed with him that he wouldn’t give me a deadline or ultimatum to work around. And then it hit me. The day after he and I had talked about it, the verse from 1 Corinthians came to my mind: Love is patient. Love is kind.

He was being the epitome of that verse for me. Loving me more than his physical desire or even my mental comforts. I began to think about other ways that he has shown me this verse through his actions. And my heart began to soften. I prayed a bit more and last week, I sent him a text (because I was sure if I told him in person, he’d just grab me and kiss me right there) that I was ready to let him decide when we should have our first kiss. He was thrilled!

He waited a full week before asking me, one late night at my house before he went home, if he could kiss me. I told him that I had said he could. And so he leaned in.

I’m pretty sure I was cringing. I had been trying not to worry about it, after handing the reins over to him, but that’s not something you can easily throw off. I was cringing because I was so dang nervous.

I had three thoughts during the kiss:

1. This is so weird.

2. Oh, maybe I should be moving my lips too, and

3. I am so glad I’m not doing this in front of hundreds of people.

And I am glad I didn’t wait…and I’m glad that I did. I couldn’t have picked a better guy to have my first kiss with. If Mr. Wisely and I do not go any further than this phase in our relationship, I won’t have any regrets about it. But if we keep going on, then, my husband will be my first and only kiss. I’m so glad that I might still have THAT forever.

It was so awkward…but there’s always time for practice. 😉


Intro: Mr. Rough

His story was, sobering, though. He honestly thought that after he shared the details with me that I would be out the door. But as I said, everyone has had their own share of turmoil and everyone has made mistakes. Some might be a bit more loud than others and the consequences greater, but we all can be changed (or what point is there in being a Christian?)


Stay Single?

When I was a kid, I went through the typical little girl phase of wanting to be a ballerina, a veterinarian, to have a pony, and the not-so-typical phases of wanting an elephant, to be a cartographer (yes, a person who makes maps. I thought that meant I’d get to travel a lot) and a martyr (they get really pretty crowns in heaven…and what little girl doesn’t want a pretty crown?)

(Click on title to read more)


The “What Are We Doing?” Talk

We met at my place and walked over to my church for Bible Study.  Then, Mr. Engineer and I with two other couples decided to go get some dinner at a local drive-in restaurant.  As it was still early in the evening, I asked if he’d like to go up to my favorite spot in town, the fence by the local airport.  It has a single runway and only small jets can land on it.  Most traffic are single-propeller Cessna’s, whether 172 Skyhawks or 182’s, and PA-28 Pipers.

As we pulled in and made small talk the conversation began to turn more serious, going something like this:

Me:  “I had a goal that if I couldn’t marry a pilot, I’d become one instead.”
Mr. Engineer:  “Well, I’m…not a  pilot.  Just throwing that out there.”
Me:  “Hah, nope, you’re not.”
(silence for a couple minutes)
Me:  “So, what are we doing?  Are we still just getting to know each other, or are we dating?  It feels like we’re a couple, but then it doesn’t.”

Yeah, I tend to just throw everything into the open.  I don’t like guesswork, and after the last 2 weeks of thinking that he likes me pretty well and not saying anything, I got tired of waiting.  That’s a problem, but also, it was a great thing for us.  He had never really sat down and had a conversation like the one we had last night.  I was pretty surprised.  He has dated a girl before, for 4 years.  Said he wasn’t into her as much as she was into him.  But, that’s beside the point.  I may be a chatty and verbose kind of person, but what has happened to communication?!

It seemed that the intro gave us the opportunity both of us were looking for to share our own concerns and joys about being with each other.  I shared that I really did like him a lot, but I had reservations.  He shared that I’m “…ahem…awesome.” (Yes, that’s right.  FINALLY a compliment!)  But he also said that he has some reservations.  I’m going to share them, because they’re important.  Neither of us shared anything that was trivial, in my mind.  Here goes:

ME
Concerns

  1. Mr. Engineer likes to drink with his friends.  And when I say drink, it isn’t altogether just the casual drinking.  He does that, but he confessed that he has become pretty sloshed in the last few months to where he has to stay at a friend’s house overnight, or where he drove home and he knew he shouldn’t have.  My concern is that, I don’t think it’s moral to get inebriated.  My step-dad was a raging alcoholic, too.  I don’t like what it does to people.  My step-dad, at one point, which lasted for a couple years I would think, was perpetually drunk – either actually drinking, passed out, or still buzzing from a previous binge.  Upon sharing this with Mr. Engineer, he said that he really doesn’t like what it does to him either and isn’t sure why he does it in the first place.  I think this is one reason why I’ve continued dating him…he doesn’t seem to be satisfied with his current lifestyle and wants something more.  Maybe I’m in his life to share with him another path, maybe a better path.
  2. He’s Catholic.  I’ve mentioned it before, this is a big deal.  I’m Baptist.  It seems like we are on complete opposites of the spectrum.  My grandmother was raised Catholic and married my grandfather who wasn’t.  When she was in the hospital with complications during her pregnancy, the priest came to see her and told her they were caused by the fact that she married a non-Catholic.  She was devastated…in pain…and wanting hope.  A woman in a bed nearby was Lutheran and when her minister came  in, he visited with Grandma too.  He spoke such great words of comfort to her and hope that when she got out, she and my grandpa decided to go to some Bible Studies.  So, with that history, the Catholic faith has not been much welcome in my family.
  3. My last big reservation became a very minor one as he shared his concerns.  I was worried that he was uncomfortable with me, physically.  He hardly ever looks me in the eyes (although, last night, he tried to make up for that, heh) and he has never tried to hold my hand or really even touch me.  But his last relationship was a bit hard on his heart, so I realized that he’s just protecting himself, which I can totally respect…and I admire him for that.

MR. ENGINEER
Concerns

  1. I’m not Catholic.  As I said, this is huge.  He said that he and his dad have had long talks about it.  He doesn’t really understand how we are different from each other, just that it’s a big difference.  We’re going to have to investigate this a bit more before either of us are comfortable with making a decision.
  2. His last relationship was one where he fell pretty hard for the girl, and she broke it off kind of abruptly.  As such, he’s a little hesitant to get involved a lot too soon.  Not to mention that his siblings have both been in pretty terrible divorces.  He has very similar views on marriage that I do, and with his siblings’ marriages/divorces, which I think both were because of affairs, he’s having to face a lot that he’s never had to deal with before.  Therefore, he’s wanting to be really careful about who gives his heart to next.  I can totally respect that

Another concern I’ve had is that, though I know we both don’t want to do the dirty before we get married, I also don’t want to kiss until I get married.  I told Mr. Engineer about this and a couple reasons for why I’m waiting.  He said, without much hesitation, that now that he knows, it shouldn’t be a problem.  I will admit, though, that as we sat, with the birds chirping and a light breeze blowing through his Jeep, and the sun setting around us, gazing into each others eyes, it was all I wanted to do to lean over a plop a big one on him.  (That’s my third reason for not kissing…I’m not sure I’d be able to stop myself at just that.  Hah!)

Now that I know that he’s concerned about protecting his own heart, I feel better about him not holding my hand or showering me with compliments.  It will be all the more significant when he actually does, if we decide to continue on in our relationship.  I know that he thinks I’m awesome so that will tied me over until he’s read to give more.  And if I start to like him more, then I’ll have to just replay that in my mind…and the way he blushed when I first asked him about being a couple or not. 🙂


Rezzie

One of my favorite awkward guy memories is that of Rezzie. To be honest, my friends and I have called him Rezzie for such a long time that I can’t remember his real name.

(Click on title to read more)



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