The Nameless Chronicles


Flashback and Facebook

It is amazing how much our lives are affected by Facebook.  Just a few weeks after Mr. Rockies and I stopped talking (sadly, even though the thought was we could remain friends), I began to receive more comments on my Facebook posts from a certain gentleman I hadn’t really heard from in years. I began commenting back and then we began FB chatting and one thing led to another and we’re engaged! Hah, just kidding!!

Back story:

We’ll call him Mr. Wisley, after the gentleman caller of Jane Austen from the movie Becoming Jane, because he seems to have been a shy flower taking time to bloom. I know, corny…I’ll abstain from further corny comments, if at all possible.

I’ve been at my place of worship for just about 15 years now. As such, I’ve become very close to the people there.  B is not really one of those people, but as unmarried women were dwindling in our circle by the time of her engagement, it’s no surprise that she asked me and my best friend to be bridesmaids. I was very surprised at the time, but as I further reflected on it, it seems logical and logic is what rules my brain and heart, so that’s that.  So as we spent time together and she was all afluster with the joy of romantic bliss, she offered to set me up with a long-time family friend, Mr. Wisley.

I have never really been one to turn down a blind date, so I said “yes.” He came and picked me up at my work, we went to a seafood restaurant, chatted and then he dropped me off. Beyond that, I can’t remember anything else. To the best of our knowledge, that was 5 years ago. Maybe we both just needed to grow up a bit. I know I did. As I think about it, I’m sure the fault was mine. I have had some pretty dumb expectations about who I would date. Yeah, I would go out on a blind date with a random guy, but if he didn’t pass muster by the end of it, there was little hope for him.

But as we’ve been talking and getting to know each other better, I’m finding out that there really isn’t much that would have kept me from wanting to date this guy again…except that he’s a year younger than me. Big whoop, at this point. We’re both closing in on 30 now and I’ve lost my drive to be picky on that point.

Amidst our chatting, my grandma was admitted to the hospital and then taken to hospice and then she died. I wasn’t super-close to my grandma, but it was/is still hard and being in the immediate area, I was very busy with family things. I began to think that he would shy away from asking me to go out with him out of respect for my situation, so I decided just to be open and quite a bit more forward than I normally would.  He was very much interested in going out…again…and we even decided on the evening after my grandmother’s funeral. Trust me, she would have been overjoyed for me to go on a date and I know she’s in a better place, so there’s limited mourning.

I’ll post more about our “first” date after a bit, but suffice to say, I’m hoping he sticks around for a while. 🙂


The Family

My mother informed me last night that of my three sisters, she’s least pleased with me right now.  This is a relatively new position for me to be in. My eldest sister is usually the one in trouble with mom.  My middle sister is almost always right smack in the middle, where’s she’s used to being.  And I’m usually the one on top.  So why the change?

Well, I decided to finally tell Mom about Mr. Rockies.  Given that he is planning on visiting me the second weekend of October, I figured she ought to know.  He’s staying at my friends’ house, since they have a spare room, and I’d like the input of my friend’s husband since guys often notice things about other guys that gals don’t.  We’ve got a good radar system, as women, but guys just see each other differently.  My mom also has a vacation planned that weekend, so since she wouldn’t be here, I figured she ought to at least know about him.

I resolved not to tell Mom until absolutely necessary, and I’m not really sure that it was absolutely necessary to tell her at that point. Maybe now would be the right time.  Too late now.  I’m the baby, by about 10 years.  I’ve dated, but nothing very serious.  Since I met Mr. Rockies online, that makes it all the more awkward and tense.  Over the last few months, though, she has mentioned that it really isn’t all that strange to meet someone online and start a relationship with them.  I’m beginning to realize that she meant for someone else besides me.

I live with mom right now, not altogether willingly, but she lets me stay there while I get my school debt whittled down without many other expenses.  The socio-emotional situation of having two grown women in the same house, both with strong wills and independent spirits (I am my mother’s daughter), makes for an explosive way of living at times.  Right now the temperature is below tepid – more below freezing.  Think “boiling water thrown in the air and turning instantly to snow” cold.  We just don’t talk about it.

Mr. Rockies sympathizes.  He’s equally, maybe more-so, worried about sharing with his family about me.  I debated asking if he’d be willing to chat with my mom, Skype with her, but then I thought better of it.  The next day, he offered to do just that.  My heart melted a little.  He’s such a good guy.  I told Mom and she said ominously, “If I talk with him, YOU won’t be there.”

The crux of the issue is not so much that he’s coming to visit, nor that I met him online.  The big issue, I totally understand, is that after he is here for a couple of days, we’re going to drive to the near-East coast for a friend of his’ wedding.  A 10 hour drive, which will be done in my car, with me behind the wheel, through the beautiful northeast, excites me.  Regardless of how Mr. Rockies and I feel about each other after the couple of days he’s on my turf, I’m looking forward to the trip with him.  We’re staying at a friend’s parent’s house while there and plan to have a great time.  I’m really looking forward to it.

I completely understand my mom’s and my sisters’ nervousness, but I’m not being unwise about this.  If I don’t feel comfortable with him throughout the first couple of days, then I’ll nix the roadtrip.  I’m also planning to talk with this parent we’re staying with and I’m getting all the addresses of the places we’ll be to leave with family/friends.  Right now, though, all the drama is on my family’s side.  Soon, it will be on his side as well.  Hopefully, my family will have time to relax a bit and get comfortable with the idea before we have to deal with the other side.  Goodness know what will go on.  Oh, and I still have to tell my dad.  Oi!


Knee-Jerk Reactions

I came to the realization a day or two ago, that I’m in this all for myself.  It’s an ugly thing to realize about oneself, but I don’t think I’m unique in this self-discovery.  I really enjoy going out on blind dates, and I enjoy having a guy start to like me (for the most part).  But, my track record of serial blind/first-dating has to point to something.  Am I just a one-hit wonder?  Or is there something inside me that’s dictating this condition.  I’m content to be single, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t investigate why I am such.

I thought I’d take a bold and glaring look at my knee-jerk reactions when it comes to relationships.  Here are some of my tendencies, and yes, I understand they are ugly.

  1. I see every single guy as a “possible mate.”
  2. Only when a guy is engaged/married does my brain automatically put him in a “keep your distance” box.
  3. When I meet a new guy, immediately after putting him in one of the two categories above, I will search for the reasons why a relationship would not work.

Every guy a possible mate

I’m chalking the first one up to my grandma.  Ever since I was a child I would hear her say, “Every date a possible mate.”  Somehow, my brain went even further, whether through reading books or talking to others about their experiences, and lumped all single males in that category.  Yes, I’ve even thought about some gay men – I’m not going to get into this, but I believe that our sexuality is a choice – and guys dating other girls.  For most of high school and college, this was the prevailing reaction in my heart and it led to years of heartache.  Thanks to Jane Austen (and other “propriety” authoresses), I developed this attitude of sitting back and pining for the one I loved.  When they either moved on or loudly declared their lack of feelings for me, I was devastated (as reflected in this blog with some other stories).  But, I became resilient and developed point #3, which I’ll expound on in a moment.

Married? Get out of my way

My parents divorced when I was thigh-high because my father had an affair.  I grew up with the devastation that this caused and vowed never to be a part of it again.  God teaches through Scripture the sanctity of marriage and I thoroughly respect it.  However, I’ve sometimes alienated my married guy friends to a point of disregard.  I need to find the balance there, and it’s a little hard for me to see.  I’m working on this one.

This won’t work out at all

With Mr. Rough, I hate to admit, a part of my heart died that I didn’t think was possible.  I had poured so much hope, against my better judgment, into that relationship and the possibility of it that the last little bit of hope in my heart crumbled up and was blown away.  I know that God can repair it, but it will take time and right now this is my reality.  I have given up.  And it reflects in the development and strengthening of my third reaction.  I’ve had this thought floating around in my heart for a few years now, but it suddenly found the sustenance it needed in the aftermath of Mr. Rough to grow and fight its way to the forefront.  I am so afraid to be disappointed.  I’m so afraid that I will disappoint.  It’s better for me to push away and ignore than to let myself get any closer and risk that hurt again.  So whether the excuse is mine or his, I will find a reason why a relationship would be a bad idea.  This is both a trigger and a defense – a preemptive strike, if you will.

And despite the faulty thinking that I know is in there, I think it’s a good thing for me to keep my distance right now.  My heart is too fragile and cracked to handle anything extra.  I feel broken inside and broken edges cause pain, both for the one holding them and those trying to touch them.  Nope, until I’m healed a bit more, I need to keep romantic thoughts away.  Friends?  Yes, that’s necessary for healing, but I will have to fight with thoughts of being more than friends.


Intro: Mr. Rough

His story was, sobering, though. He honestly thought that after he shared the details with me that I would be out the door. But as I said, everyone has had their own share of turmoil and everyone has made mistakes. Some might be a bit more loud than others and the consequences greater, but we all can be changed (or what point is there in being a Christian?)


Eye Contact

I maintain that eye contact, as long as it’s not creepy and accompanied with villianous eyebrows and smirks, is super-attractive and refreshing.

(Click on title to read more)



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