The Nameless Chronicles


Together

Maybe I’ve just been ready for a relationship. I’m tired of waiting and of “dating” guys just to find out they’re not what I’m wanting or needing. So, I’m not altogether surprised, but definitely amazed, at how quickly Mr. Wisley and I went from acquaintances to dating to “in a relationship.” Yep, it’s even on Facebook now, much to the joy of our friends and family. It took about two months, from the time we started chatting again to last Friday when we decided that we wanted to take on the label “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.” It’s been ages since I’ve worn that label and it’s a little itchy, pulls in a couple places, much like getting a pair of new shoes.

But I’m enjoying the way it makes me look. Apparently, I have a full grin plastered to my face most of the time. He seems to be doing well with it too. I asked him what changed between when we met to now since he was pretty insistent that he was going to go into this slowly, still holding on to feelings for his ex and not wanting to lead me on. He said that before, he was still thinking about her a lot. But now he doesn’t think about her at all. And he wasn’t sure if we could work out, but now he thinks we can. That last bit, he said while looking deep into my eyes and I melted a bit.

I would like to know more, but I don’t want to push him to say too much before he’s ready. Right now, we are just really enjoying each others’ company. Now we need to figure out the healthy balance of seeing each other too much and too little. I have discovered that physical touch is much more of a big deal to me than I originally thought. I’m the one who reaches out and takes his hand. I’m the one who bumps into him and puts my arm in his. I was the one who snuggled up next to him while watching a movie. It’s not that he’s against it – I think he just doesn’t know what is allowed yet and maybe, it’s just not his inclination if we’re out in public.

Tonight, I’m going up to his place to watch a movie and hopefully not getting frozen in. And tomorrow night, we and my two best friend couples (so four people) are going to have a game night – a great chance for them to get to know him and him to get to know them. I am really hopeful that they all like each other. He’s met one couple, but we haven’t had a chance to really spend much time together. I believe that we’ll go see his parents on Sunday after church and then we’re planning to have lunch with my dad and grandpa on Monday.

Think it’s going a bit fast? I would love some input.

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A Foiled Date

Mr. Wisley was planning to join me and my grandpa for a quick, informal dinner Thursday at a local Chinese restaurant (no cats, don’t worry) and then we were going to head out to a movie. And then I woke up Wednesday morning with a sore throat and some congestion.  Went to work and then came back home around noon. The plan was to crash for several hours and be done with whatever sickness was going through me. When I walked through the door, though, my skin told me that something was very wrong in the house.  It was 10 degrees cooler than what our thermostat was set for. Our heater had gone out. I phoned our landlord and explained the situation and was told that he would be right over.

So, with tidings such as that, I threw an extra sweater over me, wrapped a scarf around my neck, set a heating pad behind my back, grabbed a cup of hot tea and covered myself with two thick blankets. I was cozy. And he didn’t come, he didn’t come, and he didn’t come…and my eyes were drooping (one can only play so much Lego Batman before getting bored) and then I finally got a call that he would be sending someone else who would call before coming…who didn’t call and didn’t call and then suddenly showed up on our doorstep at 4pm. All that precious nap-time, wasted.

By this time, I had figured out that I had the flu, but we had also made another discovery. Mr. Wisley and I were casually texting and discussing my sickness, his work schedule, and various other things. He made some teasing remark and I felt like it was appropriate to threaten taking away my “babe” comment from earlier in the day. He was immediately all ears…er, fingers…saying that I misunderstood his comment (which I did, to be honest) and could he still be “babe?” Intriguing!

I asked if he wanted to be and that I thought maybe I should reserve such a name for my boyfriend only. If he wanted to take on that name, then we could put “babe” back on the table. It’s much more bold than I would ordinarily be, and this is way early for my February 1st deadline, but I thought, oh why not? He responded with “he would gladly take both names and wear them proudly.”

This guy…I’m just really enjoying this relationship so far. He followed that he’d rather talk about it in person, to which both of us vehemently began praying that I would be well enough for Thursday night’s date. But, I was not. And so we’re going to have to wait until who knows when to meet up, and discuss the state of our relationship. In the meantime, I am weak and sickly and he’s adoring and compassionate, and we’re both swooning for each other in the throes of puppy love.


Pet Names and Perception

Over the last week or so, Mr. Wisley has taken to calling me names. Not the bad kind, the great endearing we’re-moving-forward-in-this-relationship names. They make me giggle every time he uses one. He seems to be trying different ones out before settling on a standard to call me.

As mentioned in the previous post, it started out small and simple. He’d call me Miss [insert last name]. He’s said “Yes, ma’am,” lady, etc. The non-emotional labels. And then I threw out a “m’dear.” I use this pretty generally, and universally. I put it in texts and Facebook comments to guys and gals alike. But it’s also pretty handy as a temperature gauge for a new relationship. He didn’t cringe at it. In fact, he countered with “sweetie,” which can also be semi-ambiguous. “Sweet dreams, sweetie.” “Have a good day, sweetie.”

And then came a “darlin’,” and I followed with a “cutie.” He’s called me Sunshine in the morning. I like that one. The other night he said “my lovely,” and I was sure that we had crossed a line there. Not in a bad way, just made it passed an indicator in the relationship. He laughed it off and said that I call him “m’dear” all the time, which is just about the same thing. He had a point, so I set it aside into the Raise-Your-Eyebrow-and-Think-About Pile.

This morning, upon waking up, he texted a “Good morning Sweet Pea!” At this, I just called him on it. I’ve been pretty good at sticking to my “m’dear” and keeping labels as ambiguous as our relationship is right now. I asked if he is trying out names for me and he joked that he might be.

His work schedule is kind of crazy and his next evening free will be this Thursday and then he’ll be kind of inaccessible for a week. I’m treating my grandpa to dinner that afternoon, so I offered for him to come join us (my grandpa won’t mind at all – the more the merrier) and then go catch a movie afterwards, if he thought he’d be interested in that. He agreed and said he was looking forward to it. I’ve never had dinner with a grandparent and a guy, so this guy is getting all kinds of Firsts with me. I sure must like him. (Aside, I showed my grandpa a picture of Mr. Wisley at Christmas and he commented that he looked like himself when he was our age. Quite interesting!)

I told him to get some sleep, since he had been working all night, and called him “Babe.” He jumped on that right away, calling me Sweet Tart. I communicated that I’m not really a fan of that one. I think I’m going to take “Babe” back from him until he’s earned it more…like by actually saying we’re together.


You’re Really Nice, But…

We’ve all been there.  Dating someone that we know isn’t really our ideal and then realizing that it can’t go any farther.  But I think the cliché lines are just that, cliché!  I can’t stand them anymore.  I’ve been fed so many of them myself that they make me want to throw up in my mouth a little.  Let’s touch on a few of them that we all know:

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Well, of course it’s not.  If it really was you, you would say the real reason.

This is one of my regular lines: “You’re too good for me.”

I just get flat out ticked when I get this line.  Just say that you think I’m too tame for you or not adventurous enough.  It will probably point to your lack of understanding what real, mature fun should be (not beer pong and bars and flipping off cameras for your FB profile picture) or your lack of understanding of me.  If you were really getting to know me and not just looking for some play, you might be surprised at what fun can really be.

Then there are just the various brush-offs.  I’ve already shared about the “black hole” that most of my dates have found.  That’s the extreme of the brush-off move.  Others are not so extreme and are just not returning calls or coming up with mythological events or emergencies to take up any spare time.

My point is that I don’t like these and I have, slowly albeit, over the course of my dating experience, sought to be more and more honest about why I don’t want to go out with someone, or why I do.  Another thing that I have determined to have are good reasons for cutting the relationship short.  Attraction, to me, is not a good enough reason.  Time, or lack of it, is not a good enough reason.  They can be factors, but they can’t be the sole reason.

So, I may not be all that attracted to Mr. Engineer.  We may have a lot of personality differences.  There were moments when he gave me butterflies, so I’m not so much worried that we couldn’t get it together physically or that he couldn’t be the heartthrob of my life.  That isn’t the main drive of my reasoning for not wanting to continue “dating” him.  I’ve stated my real reasons clearly in previous entries and I have quite a few of them.  The biggest of which is our church affiliation.  He’s Catholic and I’m Baptist.  We talked a bit about it and decided that it would be next to impossible to maintain a relationship (which goal is marriage) without concession made on one side.  Both of thought about it and decided that neither of us could relax our ideals and so, parted the night as friends.

Friends that had only one contact throughout that week.  I checked my cell phone bill for the month.  We have the same provider and so texting and calls were free between the two of us, and I realize that I had texted others (such as family and friends), but my tracker had counted over 1000 texts.  This is seriously unusual for me, but showed me just how much both he and I were into the relationship and working to make it work.

I went through a couple days of withdrawal more than sadness and was able to touch-base with him Sunday night.  We had a nice chat and I think it reinforced my intention with him to keep each other as friends.  We tried making some plans to hang out, but both of us were going to be a little busy.  Hopefully something will come up though.

This brings me to a thought of blog post I had started just prior to meeting Mr. Engineer and never finished: Remaining Single…this will be my next entry (with luck!)


The “What Are We Doing?” Talk

We met at my place and walked over to my church for Bible Study.  Then, Mr. Engineer and I with two other couples decided to go get some dinner at a local drive-in restaurant.  As it was still early in the evening, I asked if he’d like to go up to my favorite spot in town, the fence by the local airport.  It has a single runway and only small jets can land on it.  Most traffic are single-propeller Cessna’s, whether 172 Skyhawks or 182’s, and PA-28 Pipers.

As we pulled in and made small talk the conversation began to turn more serious, going something like this:

Me:  “I had a goal that if I couldn’t marry a pilot, I’d become one instead.”
Mr. Engineer:  “Well, I’m…not a  pilot.  Just throwing that out there.”
Me:  “Hah, nope, you’re not.”
(silence for a couple minutes)
Me:  “So, what are we doing?  Are we still just getting to know each other, or are we dating?  It feels like we’re a couple, but then it doesn’t.”

Yeah, I tend to just throw everything into the open.  I don’t like guesswork, and after the last 2 weeks of thinking that he likes me pretty well and not saying anything, I got tired of waiting.  That’s a problem, but also, it was a great thing for us.  He had never really sat down and had a conversation like the one we had last night.  I was pretty surprised.  He has dated a girl before, for 4 years.  Said he wasn’t into her as much as she was into him.  But, that’s beside the point.  I may be a chatty and verbose kind of person, but what has happened to communication?!

It seemed that the intro gave us the opportunity both of us were looking for to share our own concerns and joys about being with each other.  I shared that I really did like him a lot, but I had reservations.  He shared that I’m “…ahem…awesome.” (Yes, that’s right.  FINALLY a compliment!)  But he also said that he has some reservations.  I’m going to share them, because they’re important.  Neither of us shared anything that was trivial, in my mind.  Here goes:

ME
Concerns

  1. Mr. Engineer likes to drink with his friends.  And when I say drink, it isn’t altogether just the casual drinking.  He does that, but he confessed that he has become pretty sloshed in the last few months to where he has to stay at a friend’s house overnight, or where he drove home and he knew he shouldn’t have.  My concern is that, I don’t think it’s moral to get inebriated.  My step-dad was a raging alcoholic, too.  I don’t like what it does to people.  My step-dad, at one point, which lasted for a couple years I would think, was perpetually drunk – either actually drinking, passed out, or still buzzing from a previous binge.  Upon sharing this with Mr. Engineer, he said that he really doesn’t like what it does to him either and isn’t sure why he does it in the first place.  I think this is one reason why I’ve continued dating him…he doesn’t seem to be satisfied with his current lifestyle and wants something more.  Maybe I’m in his life to share with him another path, maybe a better path.
  2. He’s Catholic.  I’ve mentioned it before, this is a big deal.  I’m Baptist.  It seems like we are on complete opposites of the spectrum.  My grandmother was raised Catholic and married my grandfather who wasn’t.  When she was in the hospital with complications during her pregnancy, the priest came to see her and told her they were caused by the fact that she married a non-Catholic.  She was devastated…in pain…and wanting hope.  A woman in a bed nearby was Lutheran and when her minister came  in, he visited with Grandma too.  He spoke such great words of comfort to her and hope that when she got out, she and my grandpa decided to go to some Bible Studies.  So, with that history, the Catholic faith has not been much welcome in my family.
  3. My last big reservation became a very minor one as he shared his concerns.  I was worried that he was uncomfortable with me, physically.  He hardly ever looks me in the eyes (although, last night, he tried to make up for that, heh) and he has never tried to hold my hand or really even touch me.  But his last relationship was a bit hard on his heart, so I realized that he’s just protecting himself, which I can totally respect…and I admire him for that.

MR. ENGINEER
Concerns

  1. I’m not Catholic.  As I said, this is huge.  He said that he and his dad have had long talks about it.  He doesn’t really understand how we are different from each other, just that it’s a big difference.  We’re going to have to investigate this a bit more before either of us are comfortable with making a decision.
  2. His last relationship was one where he fell pretty hard for the girl, and she broke it off kind of abruptly.  As such, he’s a little hesitant to get involved a lot too soon.  Not to mention that his siblings have both been in pretty terrible divorces.  He has very similar views on marriage that I do, and with his siblings’ marriages/divorces, which I think both were because of affairs, he’s having to face a lot that he’s never had to deal with before.  Therefore, he’s wanting to be really careful about who gives his heart to next.  I can totally respect that

Another concern I’ve had is that, though I know we both don’t want to do the dirty before we get married, I also don’t want to kiss until I get married.  I told Mr. Engineer about this and a couple reasons for why I’m waiting.  He said, without much hesitation, that now that he knows, it shouldn’t be a problem.  I will admit, though, that as we sat, with the birds chirping and a light breeze blowing through his Jeep, and the sun setting around us, gazing into each others eyes, it was all I wanted to do to lean over a plop a big one on him.  (That’s my third reason for not kissing…I’m not sure I’d be able to stop myself at just that.  Hah!)

Now that I know that he’s concerned about protecting his own heart, I feel better about him not holding my hand or showering me with compliments.  It will be all the more significant when he actually does, if we decide to continue on in our relationship.  I know that he thinks I’m awesome so that will tied me over until he’s read to give more.  And if I start to like him more, then I’ll have to just replay that in my mind…and the way he blushed when I first asked him about being a couple or not. 🙂


Meet the Fam!

We didn’t chat on the phone, which I’m kind of glad for. We have good convos, but I get tired of having a phone latched to my ear.

(Click title to read more)



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