The Nameless Chronicles

He’ll Be Gone, Really Gone…

Well, a week after Mr. Rockies boarded a plane and headed back to the mountains, I received the first phone call from him saying that the distance was too hard and he wanted to just be friends.  At this point, I was unaffected. Rather, I was fairly glad that HE made the call and I didn’t have to.

From the moment he got off the plane, he wilted. I don’t know what his problem was. I chalked it up to nerves initially and tried to convey that I was comfortable with him, but it was to no avail.  He had retreated.  All his big talk of being a hugger and even the subsequent discussions of whether we should become more than just friends – nothing would induce him to even hold my hand until we sat in the airport and I leaned over and said “Now would be an appropriate time for you to hold my hand,” to which he responded by taking my hand and then sitting awkwardly like he had no idea what to do now.

But we did have a great time together, as very good friends. But all the drive behind it was gone for me as I couldn’t pull him out of his shell at all.  A girl can only initiate so many limp hugs before she gets discouraged and retreats herself. Not only that, we took a long road trip to the wedding of one of his friends and he slept the whole way. Nearly 10 hours in a car, one way, and limited conversation because he couldn’t stay awake…nor decide to help me stay awake as I was driving the whole time.  I was not a fan.

So, when the call came, I was relieved. And that closes his chapter in The Nameless Chronicles.


The Others

I am very active at my place of worship.  I spend a lot of time there, my best friends are people who I see there or met there, and much of my life is based on my faith.  I learn, I sing, I teach, I lead, I serve, I am blessed, I fellowship – all of these things make for a very active church life.  I consider my church family as close and dear to me as my own birth family.  It wasn’t always like this, and I’m grateful to have found a community where I feel comfortable, challenged, and useful.

After a summer break of working with the College/Career ministry, we picked it back up with a new leader.  I’ve known this guy for a while.  I’ll call him Mr. Evangelist.  I knew him back in college and did some ministry with him, but more recently, he found his way back into my life by working at my mother’s company.  She invited him to a dinner with me and two of my best friends who lead the youth group.  At the time, Mom assured me that she wasn’t trying to set me up, and I believed her.  I don’t mind making new friends, but I had no interest in him romantically, so I didn’t want him to be “led on” in any way.

He and my friend’s husband became fast friends and began spending time with each other.  He was invited to speak at our church to the youth group several times.  He has a very dramatic salvation story and relates to young people well.  But that’s a lot of what he does.  People want him to come share with their youth because he can talk about the gangs and drugs and violence and then how Jesus saved him out of that, but that’s all they really want him for.  My friend’s hubs shared with him about a ministry need to high school graduates and so, Mr. Evangelist decided to switch to our church and help lead this ministry.

It hasn’t affected me much, having him around, but he’s single, I’m “single” and people will talk.  My friend’s hubs has said many times that he would like Mr Evangelist and I to get together, and I’ve assured him that I’m not interested.  With him now being at my church, the intensity of the encouragement has increased.  I know that he is looking for a wife, and I’m a good target.  But, he doesn’t really know me, at all.  I can see in his eyes that he is interested and is trying to woo me, but I also can see that he’s got another “me” he’s interested in.  The future me, the ideal me, the wife perfect for an evangelist.  At one point, I did think about it, but I just don’t have anything in me to compel me to him.

And now I have Mr. Rockies, whose plane will be taking off in one day to come and see me, and we will likely make things official.  I have told him about Mr. Evangelist, and how I think he feels about me and definitely how I feel about him.  I don’t want him to be surprised to find out that I’m being pursued by someone and I don’t want him to feel insecure in me.  I’m looking forward to him coming and it being in the open that I am actually involved with someone.

That said, I feel bad for Mr. Evangelist.  I haven’t given him any encouragement, but I haven’t been able to discourage him other than by trying to avoid him and be distant and formal in conversation.  I hope he doesn’t hurt his heart.

Also, Mr. Engineer texted me that he was visiting one of the Asian countries I lived in for an extended time, for work and would I be willing to give him some pointers.  I said sure and he offered to buy me dinner.  He has been dating a girl who was also at the friend’s wedding we attended.  They got together soon after he and I decided we would just be friends, and I wasn’t sure if it would be awkward.  I was glad when he said she was coming too, and we had a very nice dinner, lots of laughs, and hardly any awkward moments.  They are great for each other and I didn’t feel anything romantic/nostalgic/regretful towards him.  It was a nice time.  I’m glad that there are instances when you can still be friends with someone after a dating attempt.

So, as mentioned above, Mr. Rockies will soon be visiting me and we will spend some time in my hometown before heading east for a friend’s wedding.  I’m super-excited and nervous and excited and…agh, everything!  I will definitely post an update on event after the fact.  Hopefully he will be more than just “Mr. Rockies” to me then.

The Family

My mother informed me last night that of my three sisters, she’s least pleased with me right now.  This is a relatively new position for me to be in. My eldest sister is usually the one in trouble with mom.  My middle sister is almost always right smack in the middle, where’s she’s used to being.  And I’m usually the one on top.  So why the change?

Well, I decided to finally tell Mom about Mr. Rockies.  Given that he is planning on visiting me the second weekend of October, I figured she ought to know.  He’s staying at my friends’ house, since they have a spare room, and I’d like the input of my friend’s husband since guys often notice things about other guys that gals don’t.  We’ve got a good radar system, as women, but guys just see each other differently.  My mom also has a vacation planned that weekend, so since she wouldn’t be here, I figured she ought to at least know about him.

I resolved not to tell Mom until absolutely necessary, and I’m not really sure that it was absolutely necessary to tell her at that point. Maybe now would be the right time.  Too late now.  I’m the baby, by about 10 years.  I’ve dated, but nothing very serious.  Since I met Mr. Rockies online, that makes it all the more awkward and tense.  Over the last few months, though, she has mentioned that it really isn’t all that strange to meet someone online and start a relationship with them.  I’m beginning to realize that she meant for someone else besides me.

I live with mom right now, not altogether willingly, but she lets me stay there while I get my school debt whittled down without many other expenses.  The socio-emotional situation of having two grown women in the same house, both with strong wills and independent spirits (I am my mother’s daughter), makes for an explosive way of living at times.  Right now the temperature is below tepid – more below freezing.  Think “boiling water thrown in the air and turning instantly to snow” cold.  We just don’t talk about it.

Mr. Rockies sympathizes.  He’s equally, maybe more-so, worried about sharing with his family about me.  I debated asking if he’d be willing to chat with my mom, Skype with her, but then I thought better of it.  The next day, he offered to do just that.  My heart melted a little.  He’s such a good guy.  I told Mom and she said ominously, “If I talk with him, YOU won’t be there.”

The crux of the issue is not so much that he’s coming to visit, nor that I met him online.  The big issue, I totally understand, is that after he is here for a couple of days, we’re going to drive to the near-East coast for a friend of his’ wedding.  A 10 hour drive, which will be done in my car, with me behind the wheel, through the beautiful northeast, excites me.  Regardless of how Mr. Rockies and I feel about each other after the couple of days he’s on my turf, I’m looking forward to the trip with him.  We’re staying at a friend’s parent’s house while there and plan to have a great time.  I’m really looking forward to it.

I completely understand my mom’s and my sisters’ nervousness, but I’m not being unwise about this.  If I don’t feel comfortable with him throughout the first couple of days, then I’ll nix the roadtrip.  I’m also planning to talk with this parent we’re staying with and I’m getting all the addresses of the places we’ll be to leave with family/friends.  Right now, though, all the drama is on my family’s side.  Soon, it will be on his side as well.  Hopefully, my family will have time to relax a bit and get comfortable with the idea before we have to deal with the other side.  Goodness know what will go on.  Oh, and I still have to tell my dad.  Oi!

Equal Disclosure

So, Mr. Rockies and I had a nice long talk last night.  We haven’t yet graduated to talking on the phone or doing any video chatting.  It’s odd for me that we have said we want to work towards being more than friends, and yet he hasn’t tried to contact me on the phone.  I had to remind myself that it’s ok and not to feel slighted.  As I familiarize myself with his schedule of contact (I feel like such a girl), I can pretty much count on him shooting me a good-sized email in the afternoon and then we can touch-base on Skype somewhere in the evening.  Trust me, I totally know that he’s doing a good job of staying in touch and that it’s my girlie, probably insecure, part of me that wants to think something is wrong.

When getting to know someone, it’s hard to gauge how much information you disclose and at what time.  I decided I would just follow his lead.  I am the kind of person who has a ton of questions and want to know as much information as possible if I’m interested in something.  And the more information I have, the better able I am to come to a decision of what I want to do.  This drives my bff crazy because she’s way more emotion-driven, where I’m way more thought-driven.  We have clashed over various things from such a difference, but that’s for another blog.

So, I have to balance my insatiable desire for information and my understanding that I really don’t want to tell everything about myself right away, therefore it’s ok that he may not want to tell everything about himself right away.

Naturally in the conversation, we talked about our families and our general relationships with them.  We also talked about our churches and just a little bit about what our ministries have been in the past and what they are now.  We talked about spiritual gifts, and though I did share mine, he didn’t know what his was.  And then I brought up love languages and he didn’t share his so I didn’t share mine.  Instead, we shared what our friends’ languages are.

I feel like I’m going into foreign waters – a river where I don’t know the twists and turns, where the shallows and the deeps are – and though right now, I very much want to know all of it in one shot, the current only runs at one speed and I’m at its mercy.  So, I’m submitting myself to the joy of the journey.

And I’m Back!

What’s really funny about this post is that I was talking with a friend who reads this blog and he asked if I was going to write any new entries.  I told him that it’s hard to write in a dating experience blog when I’m not dating.  It’s been almost a year since my last date, and I’ve felt pretty happy about it.  I’m enjoying singleness, most definitely!

The irony is that I rejoined that Christian dating site, mostly out of curiosity, just for a month.  I may also have been bored.  Regardless, I’ve met some really fun people on there.  The guy I mentioned in the previous post is a new friend from there.  I don’t think we’re going to move beyond the friend mark, which is cool.  He’s really fun to chat with and I would consider him a good friend, but he’s not moving in the same direction as me – wanting to serve in full-time ministry.

But I have met others, most obviously just making the friend mark, which is one reason why I enjoy that site.  But then, one guy and I began exchanging emails, fairly regular and fairly hefty ones.  I’m not sure what I would like to call him yet…but I should have something soon.  We had met in the chat and I noticed that we had a ton in common – he’s of Asian heritage, and I have a ton of experience with Asians; we have the same sense of humour, similar talents and interests – he even dislikes Google, but has given in to what he calls unavoidable exposure.  But we joke about it being one of the ten horns of the devil in the end times (not 100% serious about it though…just out of humor).  We both have hilarious cross-cultural/language faux-pas stories and similar drives for our lives.

So, yesterday afternoon, I hadn’t heard from him all day, and it was my birthday.  I was feeling just a tinge dejected.  He was on Skype and didn’t even IM me to wish me happy birthday.  And then, I got an email from him, with one of the corniest birthday greetings and a link to an even cornier animated birthday song video.  I didn’t even finish reading the email and just about died laughing.

And then I went on to the rest of the email and was a little surprised and pretty pleased – he said that his birthday gift was that he wanted to be more than friends and wanted to know what I thought.  So I sent him a message, first of laughter for the video and then a big “yeah!”  But I told him that I wasn’t ready to definitely be more than friends, but I really wanted to get to know him more to that end.  He lives pretty far away (I’m in the mid-west and he’s in the Rockies), so we’re planning on taking things slow, but I’m fairly excited about the prospect.

I think that’s what I’ll call him, Mr. Rockies.  That’s great. 🙂

Almost 27

The problem with being single at almost 27 is that I am more readily meeting great men who are divorced already or have a child.  I would never have thought that I would ever have to debate getting involved with a divorced man or even a father, but it’s happening more and more.  I’m talking with one such man who fits both categories.  It makes me sad in one regard, but then I remember how much change God can have in a person’s life and I think, “I should be able to extend just as much mercy and grace to him as God has.”

What’s frustrating to me is that I have never been inclined toward motherhood.  And yet, this guy could be perfectly compatible with me except that he has a young daughter.  And yet again, I may not have to.  Regardless, it’s something that God has been laying on my heart to think about.

I had a conviction a while ago that if God told me to, I should be willing to adopt a child.  I think adoption is one of the most beautiful things on earth, and though I don’t think I am equipped to be a mother, I think there is a huge amount of grace when you are an adoptive parent.  But what is the difference between adopting a random child and marrying someone with a child already?  As I look more closely, I can’t see much of a difference.  The only thing would be that the child is blood-related to one parent and not the other, which might make things difficult, or might not.  But really, having a child from any source is a toss-up.

Any thoughts on this?  At this point, I’m not considering anything seriously, just brainstorming and preparing my heart for a possibility that had before been disregarded.  I’d appreciate input.

A Whirlwind

I knew that I was getting in too deep, and way too fast.  We talked about everything.  I mean…everything!  There were a few things discussed where my reaction (the sane part of me) was, “Wait a minute!  We haven’t even MET and we’re trying to talk about that?!  Hold the phone!”  But my heart was already there.  Stupid, deceptive heart that it is.  Despite all my preemptive warnings and careful foundation laying of boundaries, my heart flitted up to the top, stuck it’s tongue out at me and jumped over.  And it was all my fault.  I had convinced myself that the walls were too high and the shelter too narrow that I didn’t need a roof.  After all, I love the sky, and it makes me feel like anything is possible.  Like a big, ugly bird, it would be too difficult to take off and actually get over those walls…but I was tricked.

So, here’s how it went.  We chatted for two weeks in seeming bliss with each other.  Sharing everything that we could.  He said he wasn’t letting himself get too attached, but I couldn’t help but feel like the amount of information and the kind of info we were talking about signified a deep desire for a strong relationship.  Not to mention the fact that we would talk and suddenly he would spit out something that had been on my “List” for years.  You know, The List.  The list of things that I am looking for in a husband, praying for and hoping to find.  Some things have been added/removed over the years, but the essentials have remained the same, and he exhibited all of these.  I didn’t set him up for it either.  I didn’t feed him any lines or hints.  And he said the same about me.  We just innately had what the other had been looking for.  Certainly there were red flags.  This was all happening so quickly and so easily.  Had I really been wasting all this time over the last several years just to have what I was waiting for in a month’s time?

The let-down of such a rush of emotion and hopes is really tough.  This reflects my personality type well in that, after the fact, I am grateful for such a devastation because it re-grounded me and made me realize just how much of my heart I had given away.  And so, I quickly took it back and made sure he was aware of the danger and his, now, great task of winning it back.

It basically came from him not calling me or texting me.  Minor things, I will admit, but at the same time, how hard is it to just shoot a reply, even just to say, “Hey, I can’t talk right now.” “Busy this weekend, call you when the week starts up again.”  Something like that.  And it’s not like I was texting him a bunch of times throughout the day.  I am good about limiting myself and so sent him a text in the mornings to wish him a good day and left it at that.

One weekend though, I had a wedding to perform for and he was moving.  We shared how little we were looking forward to both events and the various emotions/situations we’d find ourselves in and I was looking forward to being able to comfort each other in the evening with a phone call.  But I never heard from him.  No reply to my text, no phone calls.  Alright, so I have found ways to be stalkerish.  Like, on the Christian dating site, it will tell you the last time a certain person has been logged into the site.  And he, without fail, was able to check his account.  Yes, I know…but the information is right there.  And yes, I know this means that I, too, was checking my account during this time, but at least I was coupling it with communication with him.

I think that if he hadn’t been so ardent in his excitement for me and the prospect of our relationship, I wouldn’t have been so concerned about him not getting in touch with me.  But he was.  He had joked that if we met soon, he might try to propose to me.  I laughed, but I couldn’t help feel that I might not be against such an attempt.  He said that I was perfect (I should know to question words like that).  He was “waiting to wake up.”

And either he did or I did.  Or maybe both.  It turns out that my suspicions were correct that something very big was wrong.  After I told him he was on my “I’m really bummed…” list, he said he’d make it up to me and call me that night.  But he didn’t.  Turned out he forgot his phone at home.  I’m a person who would rather give the benefit of the doubt, so I let him off for that night, but I was still upset.  Not fuming anymore, but really disappointed.  He called the next night, but was in a bad mood.  The convo was of a lower quality than we had enjoyed, but I still felt better from it, relieved that he at least did have a “terrible weekend.”  But he quickly ended the call and said he’d be in a better mood the next night to talk.

However, enough time had passed between my being really upset with him and now just jaded that it didn’t really bother me that much.  He knows where to find me and I’m leaving it at that.

Intro: Mr. Rough

His story was, sobering, though. He honestly thought that after he shared the details with me that I would be out the door. But as I said, everyone has had their own share of turmoil and everyone has made mistakes. Some might be a bit more loud than others and the consequences greater, but we all can be changed (or what point is there in being a Christian?)

The Black Hole Cometh

We joke about getting married although, I think that if we were much closer to each other (and not 5 states away) we would leave joking behind us.

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I’m not sure if he and I are going to turn into something great and wonderful, but I’m glad to have someone to chat with like this.

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