The Nameless Chronicles

Wedding Dreams

I remember thinking that it was a dream, and so I was fully expecting things to be strange – not at all like Inception where everything begins to fall apart once you realize you’re dreaming, but the standard oddness.

It was my wedding day.

I was in a way-too-white-it-was-almost-blue dress that strongly resembled the dress I wore to my junior Prom. In my dream, I knew it was happening in extreme short notice. Everything was disorganized. I couldn’t remember what had happened at the rehearsal and then I remembered that we didn’t have a rehearsal.  That was a strange part considering that it seemed my dad was officiating it and he would have insisted on a rehearsal.  He would be way too emotional to handle it flying by the seat of his pants.

Not only that, apparently there was no coordinator. I was running around in my wedding dress through the sanctuary putting things down in the pews, annoyed that my mom didn’t save me a seat. Somebody had managed to put my shoes in the car that brought us to the church, so that was a good thing. But they were not the shoes I would have chosen at all – really tall high heels that covered most of my feet. Yuck.  I also had a long white flowing shawl over my dress, that I’m sure I was planning to wear down the aisle.  I had to take a restroom break.

The one redeeming factor was my hair. I really enjoy my hair. I have a lot of it. It’s stick straight and won’t let me put any kind of body into it. But I like it that way for the most part. When I got to the restroom and looks in the mirror, my hair seemed to have tripled on itself. It was fuller than I have ever seen it. And it was filled with braids of different sizes scattered throughout my hair. I don’t know how to describe it – it probably would look awful if I tried to do it myself with the amount of hair I actually have, but it looked so pretty. I’ve always thought it would be great to have my hair down and long for my wedding.

I came out of the restroom and my dad was waiting for me.  I asked him if I was supposed to sing for the service and he said yes. I told him that it was my day and I didn’t want to do it. So he shrugged and said it would be ok. He was much less affectionate than he would have been on even normal occasions and I found that I didn’t mind it at all. At this point, I had only one goal, to get to that altar.

We walked up to the end of the aisle where my step-mom was waiting for me. Dad ran up to say something in the front of the sanctuary. My step-mother began saying that she wanted to show some kind of connection to me, that maybe she could walk up with me and my dad. I told her that she could just walk behind us and then I could turn back and smile at her. And then I remembered that I’ve been concerned about how to recognize Mom and how sad/angry she would be if I let my step-mom do something special and not her. And I was just coming on to a solution (one I would really like to have in real life for when the time comes) when my alarm clock jarred me to consciousness.

The most disappointing part of the whole dream was that I never saw nor was concerned with who the groom was. I remember seeing a groomsman and knowing exactly who he was, but I couldn’t tell you now for anything. I was talking with a girl from my church at one point, but I can’t remember which one. I opened an envelope that had about 5 checks in it from different people who knew my grandmother and were wishing me congratulations. But I never caught a glimpse of the groom.

And it’s probably for the best. I’ve dreamt of guys before and it’s made things awkward at times. So I’m going to spend the day chewing on that question, because I can’t help it. Was the groom going to be Mr. Wisley? Was it someone else? Someone I know? Someone I don’t? That I would know one of the groomsmen would suggest that I would also know the groom, but who knows! It could be someone totally new. I’m just glad to know that the dream of a wedding hasn’t left my heart yet.  Whether it comes or not, I prefer to hold on to that hope as long as I can.


He’ll Be Gone, Really Gone…

Well, a week after Mr. Rockies boarded a plane and headed back to the mountains, I received the first phone call from him saying that the distance was too hard and he wanted to just be friends.  At this point, I was unaffected. Rather, I was fairly glad that HE made the call and I didn’t have to.

From the moment he got off the plane, he wilted. I don’t know what his problem was. I chalked it up to nerves initially and tried to convey that I was comfortable with him, but it was to no avail.  He had retreated.  All his big talk of being a hugger and even the subsequent discussions of whether we should become more than just friends – nothing would induce him to even hold my hand until we sat in the airport and I leaned over and said “Now would be an appropriate time for you to hold my hand,” to which he responded by taking my hand and then sitting awkwardly like he had no idea what to do now.

But we did have a great time together, as very good friends. But all the drive behind it was gone for me as I couldn’t pull him out of his shell at all.  A girl can only initiate so many limp hugs before she gets discouraged and retreats herself. Not only that, we took a long road trip to the wedding of one of his friends and he slept the whole way. Nearly 10 hours in a car, one way, and limited conversation because he couldn’t stay awake…nor decide to help me stay awake as I was driving the whole time.  I was not a fan.

So, when the call came, I was relieved. And that closes his chapter in The Nameless Chronicles.

The Family

My mother informed me last night that of my three sisters, she’s least pleased with me right now.  This is a relatively new position for me to be in. My eldest sister is usually the one in trouble with mom.  My middle sister is almost always right smack in the middle, where’s she’s used to being.  And I’m usually the one on top.  So why the change?

Well, I decided to finally tell Mom about Mr. Rockies.  Given that he is planning on visiting me the second weekend of October, I figured she ought to know.  He’s staying at my friends’ house, since they have a spare room, and I’d like the input of my friend’s husband since guys often notice things about other guys that gals don’t.  We’ve got a good radar system, as women, but guys just see each other differently.  My mom also has a vacation planned that weekend, so since she wouldn’t be here, I figured she ought to at least know about him.

I resolved not to tell Mom until absolutely necessary, and I’m not really sure that it was absolutely necessary to tell her at that point. Maybe now would be the right time.  Too late now.  I’m the baby, by about 10 years.  I’ve dated, but nothing very serious.  Since I met Mr. Rockies online, that makes it all the more awkward and tense.  Over the last few months, though, she has mentioned that it really isn’t all that strange to meet someone online and start a relationship with them.  I’m beginning to realize that she meant for someone else besides me.

I live with mom right now, not altogether willingly, but she lets me stay there while I get my school debt whittled down without many other expenses.  The socio-emotional situation of having two grown women in the same house, both with strong wills and independent spirits (I am my mother’s daughter), makes for an explosive way of living at times.  Right now the temperature is below tepid – more below freezing.  Think “boiling water thrown in the air and turning instantly to snow” cold.  We just don’t talk about it.

Mr. Rockies sympathizes.  He’s equally, maybe more-so, worried about sharing with his family about me.  I debated asking if he’d be willing to chat with my mom, Skype with her, but then I thought better of it.  The next day, he offered to do just that.  My heart melted a little.  He’s such a good guy.  I told Mom and she said ominously, “If I talk with him, YOU won’t be there.”

The crux of the issue is not so much that he’s coming to visit, nor that I met him online.  The big issue, I totally understand, is that after he is here for a couple of days, we’re going to drive to the near-East coast for a friend of his’ wedding.  A 10 hour drive, which will be done in my car, with me behind the wheel, through the beautiful northeast, excites me.  Regardless of how Mr. Rockies and I feel about each other after the couple of days he’s on my turf, I’m looking forward to the trip with him.  We’re staying at a friend’s parent’s house while there and plan to have a great time.  I’m really looking forward to it.

I completely understand my mom’s and my sisters’ nervousness, but I’m not being unwise about this.  If I don’t feel comfortable with him throughout the first couple of days, then I’ll nix the roadtrip.  I’m also planning to talk with this parent we’re staying with and I’m getting all the addresses of the places we’ll be to leave with family/friends.  Right now, though, all the drama is on my family’s side.  Soon, it will be on his side as well.  Hopefully, my family will have time to relax a bit and get comfortable with the idea before we have to deal with the other side.  Goodness know what will go on.  Oh, and I still have to tell my dad.  Oi!

Bible Study…in a Bar?

You know how it feels when you are so totally different from the people there (or rather, you perceive yourself to be so totally different) – I felt like each person there, unspoken, knew that I was one of “those Baptists”.

(Click title for more)

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